Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
