East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
