Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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