I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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