He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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