We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
