We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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