I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
