All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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