Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
