my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
