I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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