I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
