Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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