We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
