i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
