Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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