her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
