I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
