Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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