what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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