is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
