I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
