Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
