I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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