She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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