guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize