Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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