peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
