we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
