Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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