I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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