did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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