Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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