He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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