Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
