i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
