I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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