what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
