you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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