I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
