My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
