My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
