I think I am morally bankrupt
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
