I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
