so that wasnt chicken after all
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
