Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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