You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
