I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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