I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
