Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize