I just threw up on my dentist
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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