things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I had to cum in my sink.
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