i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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