Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize