what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
