I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
