i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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