i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize