Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
