hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Randomize
