I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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