I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize