do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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