he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
