Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
