I just pynch a tree in the face
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
