I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
