boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
