Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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