Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
