Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I hope mine doesn't look like that
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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