sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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