Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
