I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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