***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
