i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
