You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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