I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
