You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Maybe he injected his testicle?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Randomize
