True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
