GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
