come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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