Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My butt remains clenched, sir.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
