If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
bring money and cleavage
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
